Victim at Convenience
I am a woman who’s been brought up in a metropolitan, and lived her life mostly around people whose families economically fared well enough. I’m sure many people who may come across this would also be a part of the same demographic. Today, I would like to speak to you. And I would like to bring to your attention the discomfiting issue of pseudo-victimization — or as I happened to jokingly phrase it in a conversation as “Victim at Convenience”.
The word victim itself rings an emotionally charged reaction from within us all, and rightfully so. It definitively refers to “Someone harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or any other event”. Hence, to be specific, I will be navigating a conversation ahead which sheds light upon “harm” that can be more than physical, and may not be inflicted by the obvious suspect in a story (re: the accused). However, for victims of emotional, physical, or sexual harassment; abusive relationships; strenuous family ties or besmirched workplace associations — my thoughts do not mean to undermine your individual experiences hereafter.
As I’ve grown up and understood these concepts more- and as I still continue to- I have been put in an ethically conflicting spot numerous times. Be it with circumstances around something inappropriate said by a parent or a friend, or something cryptic done by a colleague or an acquaintance. My naivety has led me to take a very vocal stand towards obvious misconducts. However, in several instances, it was only later that I discerned the “grey-ness” of the events, and was left feeling perplexed and frankly ambivalent of the “victim” themselves.
I am sure many of us followed the #metoo movement in 2019. It originated from the idea of busting the echo chamber of victims of sexual misconduct, so that the people fortunate enough to not have experienced it, understand the sheer breadth of the problem.
Without pricking that ever-so-important movement, we are all also aware that there were many false and open-ended reports, which were truthfully opportunistic to either self-serve or tarnish the reputation of the accused. Although I consider myself the flag bearer of “belief beyond facts”, I found myself questioning the series of events in several cases which drew my attention, within both personal and public spheres.
The point of this example being — be it sexual misconduct or any other unfortunate event experienced by someone, both victimization and opportunism can occur. Most times, the less powerful person plays the role of the former. However, it does not (and should not) take away from the fact that it can be turned upside down. In dark and dire times, these two diverging concepts can be found holding hands in one’s mind. And when they do, it woefully has the power of disrupting the univocal narrative of advocating for the innocent.
Rather than grumbling further with statistics and testimonials, I’d like to shift the tone and make a modest appeal. As someone who has herself been a victim- and is close to numerous others- I propose we cross-check our own integrity before becoming a claimant. Beyond a doubt, faith without question will always prevail. As a community of family, friends and fellow victims, that is the best we can do for each other. However, that belief has to first come from a warranted place. As human beings, we need to abide by the mantra of “Self-reflection before Accusation” — especially for circumstances which may impact lives around us. Many a times you may not be sure of the events, but be sure of a feeling — stand by it. Other times you may be sure of everything that occurred, but forget the purpose of your voice along the way — remember it, recall it, recite it. Individually, we should evermore remain wary of reaping undue benefits at the cost of our community’s faith in us. Their support is all we will have till the end of our days.
Unfortunately, I do agree the reality of this world is far from what it should be. It is a bigger disdain to have accused and be wrong, than to have inflicted and be proved. And often times, convenience is presented on a silver platter while we navigate our own journey towards justice. Lack of conviction, lying, theft, manipulation, subjugation, or just having ill-objectives are all forms of seeking convenience, while wearing the white veil of victimhood.
Our community’s faith provides us both — a comforting reliance and an unsaid responsibility. Let us remember that, before we sit down with a confidante and begin any conversation from now on.
